Susan Rogers
November 13. 2009 17:02

Donna, you actually probably did more good sharing your feeling with the child than trying to talk to the mother.  Over the years I have had many experiences where I attempted to share in a loving and caring way with a parent here or there that what they were doing amounted to a form of abuse. Verbal and emotional abuse can be just as distructive as physical abuse can.  By letting the child know there was someone who felt their pain, you affected the only person you could.

Unfortunately parents who do this to their children do it deliberately.  You're comments to her, had you done so, could possibly have back lashed onto the child. Mom then blaming the child for having created the situation and causing others to look at mom in a disapproving way.  Those of us who understand the tender heart of children and teenagers feel their emotional pain. But you can't turn a leopard into a gazelle no matter how hard you try.  You did the right thing, and I congratulate you for it.

Connie Hammer
November 17. 2009 12:10

This is a difficult situation for all. We know it is terrible for the child and your smile was definitely a comfort to her. I also try to put myself in the parent's shoes - what level of stress, lonliness are they experiencing? We don't know but might an empathic statement possibly help this mom reach down and re-ignite her love and compassion for her child? Try throwing out a pebble of understanding, "Parenting is tough, isn't it?" and then find something positive to say about her or the child. You may begin a ripple of kindness that will have far reaching effects. If nothing else it is a positive distraction that usually stops the behavior. We all know that parenting isn't easy and never prefect - we all slip up. What would we like someone to say or do should we ever find ourselves in a similar situation?